Equality for Mom, Peace for the World

It never fails to amaze me how much people act like apes. The very people who will get all mad about evolution often act like violent chimps. They cheer violent acts of aggression, speak in dominating language, don't work towards understanding others, and see women as lesser beings. Some experts point out that right wing pundits have permeated our once-civil discourse with violent language. Mother's Day was once a holiday to celebrate and promote peace. But the ways some talk nowadays you'd think that peace is a dirty word and those who promote it are traitorous heathens. It's no surprise that people in our nation mirror the violent extremist language with domestic violence, even going to the extreme of shooting strangers when they are angry. The violence is a mirror of what is happening all over our country.

When people have conflicts these days, the first thing they do is grab a weapon to resolve it. Why?

Scientists who study apes have this to observe: violence in a population appears to be learned, not biological. Ape expert Sapoolsky says that if ape societies can live in peace, then so can we. When humans have enough food, fuel and equality among the sexes, then war and violence might be a thing of the past. Ape societies where members have enough of what they need, including sex, show little violence. Make love, not war, applies to apes as well as people. If you look at violent people, they are often without resources. In societies where males can have multiple wives, this living without for the remaining men can reach a fever pitch. Anthropologist Douglas Fry, author of Beyond War, points out that throughout history, many wars have been fought over women. When women are regarded as property this happens. Because property is yours, you can seize it and feel entitled to take it back if lost. Yet when women are equal in a society and are among the decision-makers in society, violence drops dramatically. Birthrates also drop and thus the other source of violence, competition for resources, also fades away. But just this is not enough. Society has to embrace peace as a way of life if violence is to be halted.

An interesting study pointed out the differences in the dads of non-violent families compared to violent families. First of all, the goals of the non-violent men were different than what the violent men wanted. Non-violent men wanted to help with chores, to have shared decision-making in the family. They acted empathetically to family members and were open to the perspectives of others. Violent men wanted to be served and to be understood by their wives, to be leaders and to control the family. Non-violent men described themselves as home-loving and able to accept their partner's ideas and influences. They actively sought and worked towards peace in the home. Violent men, on the other hand, were fearful of any influence from their wives, were insecure about their manhood and held to strict stereotypes about women. In a similar study, it was found that men who were violent towards their spouses were more likely to abuse their children and get in fights with other men.

How can we promote peaceful families?

Here are some ideas on how to reduce violence, from the Syracuse Cultural Workers:

1. Work for full equality between man and women in society and in personal relationships'
2. Examine the ways we legitimize male violence.
3. Teach children how to settle conflicts peacefully.
4. Do not belittle, humiliate or hit children. Not only does this teach children to be violent, a new study from the University of New Hampshire says that spanking children can make them have unhealthy sex lives later. Children who are hit and spanked are more likely to engage in risky and coercive sex. Abstain from spanking.
5. Help men learn to be good peaceful fathers. Male rights activist points out "It's easier to socialize a young man into being a warrior than a father."
6. Confront homophobia—it pushes men into being tough.
7. Recognize that individual violence is supported by social systems based on power and control.
8. Praise gentle boys. Resist sexual stereotypes.
9. Support groups that work to end violence against women such as V-Day and Men Can Stop Rape.

In the recent "house of horrors" case, we can see the tragedy that occurs when a father dominates his family to the extreme. But even the best of families should monitor itself to reduce violence and inequality.

Biologist E.O. Wilson says that the important thing is to remain positive. We can become a better place.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote a funny novel, Galapagos, in which the narrator blames humans' big brains for causing all the suffering in the world. In the animal kingdom, insect studies have shown that big brains do lead to dominating behavior. But let's hope we have big enough brains not to let domination destroy us. That would be the best gift a mom could ask for.

Julia Ward Howe quote
(http://womenshistory.about.com/od/howejwriting/a/mothers_day.htm)

Our culture and male violence
http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/maleviol.html
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080312/NEWS/803120394/1001/

Violent language of pundits
http://www.alternet.org/mediaculture/84490/

Male role models
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/post-2291903.html

Sexist men and observing violence at home can create violent children
ttp://www.springerlink.com/content/wj74gu515h130w85/

Strict gender roles and homophobia associated with abuse
http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/cgi-bin/abstract/112594375/ABSTRACT?CRETRY=1&SRETRY=0

Robert Bly discusses anger and violence
http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/interv/bly.html

book about male roles in society
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?r=1&ean=0465039162

great study of non-violent man compared to violent men
http://www.bradford.ac.uk/acad/dppc/gender/mandmweb/omontoyatext.html

How men can end violence
http://forums.yellowworld.org/archive/index.php/t-13768.html

Ideas from Norway…paternal leave, male role models for younger children
http://www.norway.org/policy/gender/male/male.htm

ideas from UK
http://www.indymedia.org.uk/en/2006/12/357875.html

ideas from US, posters
http://www.mencanstoprape.org/

speaker
http://www.michaelkaufman.com/

spanking leads to sexual problems later.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080301/ap_on_he_me/spanking_study;_ylt=AowXYvbJOSTxqEO_ARL9G3ta24cA

FOX News promotes sexual stereotypes
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/03/fox-anchor-here-at-fox_n_89695.html

War related violence
http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/07/congo.woman/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

big brains and dominance
http://www.terradaily.com/reports/Which_Came_First_Social_Dominance_Or_Big_Brains_999.html

Society for Research in Child Development (2008, March 26). Children Who Bully Also Have Problems With Other Relationships. ScienceDaily. Retrieved April 18, 2008, from http://www.sciencedaily.com /releases/2008/03/080325083300.htm

House of horrors dad
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/05/04/austria.incest/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

International Woman's day
http://www.commondreams.org/archive/2008/03/08/7566/

Peaceful relationships in a family are the foundation of a peaceful society.
http://www.alternet.org/stories/77226/?page=3
http://www.rockthevote.com/rtv_jobs.php

Cathy Haustein, 50708